These Days...

These days my mind swims with what I need to do, what I should be doing, what I must not forget to do, and what I have already forgotten to do.

If I'm not careful, I'm going to miss what they are doing.

These days Sam chuckles to himself but won't share what he's thinking.

These days Ben crawls into my chair at lunch just to be closer to me.

These days Maria litters the house with everything she can pull out of the bottom cupboards.

These days Ben literally bounces and points at himself with excitement when we pick Sam up from school as if to say, "Look Sam!  I'm here! You get to play with me again!"

These days Sam uses, "And by the way..."to start thoughts that should probably begin with "Hey guess what!"

These days Maria loves to wrestle, fall, giggle and squeal on our bed.

These days Ben asks for tea every morning.  But he only drinks 2 sips of it.

These days Sam ask questions about pain and suffering in the world that break my heart.

These days Maria bangs on the cupboard to say that she wants raisins.

These days Sam reads more than he eats.

These days Legos are my best friend.  And of course theirs too... I guess.

These days Ben asks Jonathan to take his shirt off and box with him.

These days Maria hears music, stops whatever she is doing, bounces and sways.

These days Sam remembers the score of any football game he's ever known about.  Not an exaggeration.

These days Maria is learning to kiss with a closed mouth rather than open.  "Mmmah!"

These days Ben finds it odd when a Christmas song doesn't mention Jesus.

These days Sam likes to hold his straw in the place that a tooth once held residence to drink his chocolate milk.  

These days Maria tips her head down, looks up at me through a furrowed brow, head-butts me and then throws her head back to laugh.

These days Sam and Ben sing different renditions of "Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg" over and over until I am begging them to find a different song to butcher.

These days Sam won't share about his day at school until after he's had a snack.

These days Ben almost breaks my nose at least once every day.

These days Ben still says "finded", "bringed", "writed", "drawed" and "runned".

These days Sam helps grown-ups choose their teams for the upcoming bowl games.

These days Maria needs to be held while I make dinner.

These days Sam and Ben are sent upstairs to rough house.

These days Maria's thin blonde hair is curly when she gets out of the tub.

These days Sam wants to know if he can get baptized with out being dunked under water.

These days the only time Ben asks for help is when he is at the end of himself and close to tears.

These days Maria climbs everything.

These days both boys hug me as long as they can at bedtime.

These days are good...

School Lunch and Beyond

It was comedy really.  One of those things that you are able to laugh about moments later but in the actual moment you are just thankful a friend was there to witness it so that you didn't have to mouth the words "What the (fill in the blank)?!!" to your innocent children.

Sam is what we call behind his back "not an eater".  To call him 'picky' would be a gross understatement.  We don't know where he came from.  But he is ours and this is something we have to cleverly navigate, pick and choose battles around and sometimes just plain trick him.  For the most part, we are constantly encouraging him to try new things, eat just a tiny bit more, and for the sake of the rest of us who love food...to not speak negatively about it.  Nonetheless, it's hard.  He has a smattering of foods that he definitely likes and wants to eat.  He has another small group of foods that he will tolerate but refuses to admit "liking". There is an equally small group of food that he will eat bite-by-miserable-bite when he knows he has to all the while looking as if he is going to toss it up any second.  And then the rest is absolutely non-negotiable.  There is no way he can be motivated to touch it.

With this comes other obstacles of course!  Sam would rather just eat at home vs. most restaraunts because he knows how I am going to make the food and he doesn't know how it will be made elsewhere.  Eating with friends is a joke.  Well meaning adults who have no experience with this kind of "picky" can be exhausting.  And of course my own fears that some day this country will face an economy my grandparents recall where "peanut butter and honey sandwiches" will be too expensive to make and Sam will just die.  Just. Die. People!  Of starvation!  Because he's THAT stubborn! 
  
Well anyway, Sam started FIRST GRADE this September at our neighborhood public school.  Last year he attended Kindergarten at the very small private school he had also attended for two years of preschool.  So this is all very new to us!  Full days, big classroom, one teacher and... LUNCH at school! 

I have been sending him to school with lunches that he would typically eat,  knowing full well that he will come home with most of it still in his Spiderman lunchbox and that he'll be very hungry upon return.  I'm not completely naive.  I have set my expectations low.  So it was very exciting for me to see him looking over the school lunch calendar one day very carefully and saying to me, "I think I'd like to try this sometime."  I masked my excitement (of course) and let him know that he could choose one lunch a week to buy.  He started studying the calendar and making comments about the choices. 

One Monday morning he decided that he was going to buy lunch that day.  It was grilled cheese sandwiches.  This was surprising to me because grilled cheese sandwiches are usually in the "I'll eat this but I don't like it" category.  Regardless, he was excited.  Very excited.  So I was over the moon!

As we approached Sam's school we joined up with good friends to cross the cross-walk.  I said to my friend Kari (who is totally in the know of Sam's...nutritional preferences), "Sam is so excited to try school lunch today!  He can't wait to have the grilled cheese sandwich!" To which the adult crossing guard replied, "Oh they actually aren't very good.  I think they are way over cooked."

This is the moment I'm talking about.  The moment you realize that grown men and women can completely sabotage some of the grueling work you are doing at home with your kids!  And they get paid for it!!!

Sam of course didn't  miss a beat and asked, "What isn't very good?  What is over-cooked?"
I had to reply, "Oh you know that rule we have that you can't say bad things about food? Well she isn't following our rule. And I'm not her mom so I can't do anything about it."
That's when I turned to Kari and mouthed my all too often chosen expletive because I was in absolute shock.  Kari of course affirmed my shock with the same shock and we walked the rest of the way to the classroom line-ups with our mouths open, eyes crazy and our heads shaking in disbelief.

Needless to say, he did not choose the grilled cheese when he got to lunch.  He plopped a pile of plain spaghetti noodles,one required baby carrot and a chocolate milk on his tray.  Which... come to find out is the reason he wants school lunch once a week.  Chocolate milk.  Figures.  

Eleven Years

...dance parties with our boys after dinner. 
...the overnight hike when we both thought we just might die up there. 
...our first moments with all three of our sweet babies. 
...the day you brought Ginger home to me. 
...all of the swear words uttered as we remodeled two houses. 
...the two hours in Chicago that I thought you had been mugged and killed.
...all of the nights you have comforted me after nightmares. 
...Paris. 
...the day you threw the bifold closet doors out the front door onto the lawn and swore you'd never install them again. 
...the night of 9/11. 
...that dinner at The Brooklyn.
...the trip to the ER with Ben when he was four months old. 
...weeks at Young Life camps with kids we loved together. 
...our 600 square foot house on Finn Hill.
...the weekends spent with our nieces and nephews before we had our own babies. 
...the road trip to California and up the coast.
...the hike when you realized for the first time JUST HOW terrified I am of snakes.
...the unexpected day spent in San Francisco. 
...the facial that sent you into a full blown panic attack.
...all of the nights that we've hosted parties at our house while we've hidden away in the nursery...loving on our babies...perfectly content to miss out on the fun. 
...the day we spent $700 to save Gus's life. 
...the way you told our parents that we were pregnant with Sam. 
...that awful night in London. 
...countless nights of being up together with sick kids.
...the day we sobbed our goodbyes to Ginger on the floor of the vet's office together.
...everytime we try not to laugh at something the boys are doing. 
...our sweet baby bubbles that have surrounded us after the births of all three. 
...the THREE MONTHS living in Northern Ireland.
...the day you asked my dad to go to Men's Weekend at Malibu. 
...my first Mother's Day. 
...all of the wrestling matches you have with the boys. 
...the fight we had over spray butter. 
...the gazillion times we've watched A Few Good Men. 
...Howth, Ireland.
...the Christmas Eve that we laid in bed and watched The Ya-Ya Sisterhood. 
...the look on your face when we pulled four-month-old Sam out of the car only to realize he hadn't been buckled in his carseat. 
...the late night we realized that hot water had been spewing out from a broken pipe under our house for over a week.
...the celebratory "WHOOOOOO HOOOOOO" you shouted out the front door the night our first African American president was elected. 
...the family meeting we had to tell the boys they were going to be big brothers. 
...our adorable flat in Belfast. 

...the way you love the boys.
...the way you love Maria.
...the way you love me.

Eleven years Babe.  Thank you.

Deep Thoughts by Ben

Ben is three-and-a-half going on six.  Our "middle child".  Our sweet preschooler who owns most of the same expectations as his kindergarten brother, but hardly ever gets (or takes) the credit for being as mature, responsible, self-sufficient, flexible and down right cool as he is.  It's so easy to forget how young he is because he rallies with the big boys so successfully.
This is the boy who about a week before he turned two, told me in his deep, frosty, no-nonsense voice, "I don't wear diapers anymore."  And he never did again.  And he never had an accident.  And he'd lie straight to your face if he actually did because he's way too cool to pee in his pants like a darn baby. 
Anyway, I love moments when I hear his own thoughts come out (usually without any context that we are aware of) and I can see and hear him for the little boy that he is.

Most of these quotes come from the backseat of our van when it has gotten all too quiet:

 

Mom! Chickens are wild aminals.  Mom! Bad guys catch good guys but police officers catch bad guys.  Mom! Did you hear me burp?  "No." Then I don't have to say 'Excuse me.'   Mom! Dolphins are blue and white.  Mom! Some boys have long hair.  Mom! Football players have moms too.  Mom! Every girl has a purse.  Mom! Maria can't eat donuts.  Mom! I'll get everyone who is bad sick.  Mom do basketball players ever wear their basketball shoes at the table?  Mom! Do you know why monster trucks say 'trucks' at the end?  Cause they're a kind of truck.  I won't lick babies.  Hey Dad!  You can't ride a turtle.   Mom! Every girl is a wife.    Mom! Dad is your father.  Mom! Rocks don't float on water.  They sink.  Mom! Who nursed Grampa Mark when he was a baby?  Mom! Moose's antlers are part of their bodies.  Mom!  How old will I be when I'm a dad?  Mom! Maybe Leprechans will come here... They're so fast. 

"I am a champion all by myself."

Benjamin 

Boys Meet Girl

A couple of weeks ago I had to break some "bad" news to Sam and Ben.  They were light heartedly arguing over which one of them was going to marry Maria when they grow up.  Maria is their three-month-old sister.  Some day this will be repulsive to them.  However for now, its a horrible injustice that marrying your sister is illegal. 
"It's ILLEGAL?!!" they both say to me in unison with gigantic eyes and expressions of total shock and disgust with our legal system. 
"Yes," I say matter of factly. 
"Well we'll just lie about it then!" Sam yells through laughter as he runs out of the room.
"Yeah!  We'll LIE!" Ben squeals as he follows Sam to whatever they do while I'm tied up changing another diaper.

Let's just say...they love her.  A lot. 

We knew they were going to love her.  We even knew that their love for her would look different between the two of them.  And it really does. 

When Ben was a baby I remember Sam holding him and saying to me, "I love him so much I want to laugh my head off."  I totally identified with that crazy kind of love.  That's how Ben loves Maria right now.  He has such an intense nervous energy around her that sometimes she actually flinches a little when she knows he's coming.  He gets up close to her and says "Maria I LOVE you!" "Maria you're GOOD!" "Maria I'm your big BRUDDER!" in such a sweet... and somewhat maniacal way.  His kisses leave a slimy wet mess on her head and sometimes I think they just might bruise her.  He talks to her as if she actually understands what he's saying.  "Maria watch this... Did you see that Maria?"  Ben's love for her is obvious.  But it's also very obvious that he can't wait for her to grow older and be big enough to play.  I can't wait to watch that! 

Sam is another story.  I have a prediction that Maria will do no wrong in his eyes for the rest of their lives.  Here's an example of how that plays out right now:
If you know Sam, you know that he HATES messes.  He needs a wash cloth at the table while he eats so that his hands and mouth are never messy.  He actually buzzes around the house to clean up toys that are left out so that there isn't anything in his way to play something else.  Kitchen cabinet doors left open drive him crazy.  BUT...  Maria puked on him this morning and he laughed about it.  Really.  Ben (my Tazmanian Devil) is sent into hysterics over spit up landing on him but Sam (my perfectionist) actually thought it was endearing. 
His linear, scheduled world will screech to a halt for a chance to hold and snuggle her.  When we drop him off at Kindergarten he makes sure to kiss her goodbye.  When we pick him up, he returns straight to her.  He definitely gets the most smiles and it's clear that she trusts him.  There is a sweetness about his love for her and pride in her that I could not have imagined or expected.  And that melts me. 

Let's be real here though.  There are absolutely times where I have to tell them both to back the heck off.  As gentle and sweet as they are, sometimes it's just too much.  This poor girl is never going to know the meaning of "personal space".  I myself am fighting for those two precious words daily.  Especially when I'm nursing Maria.  The boys see nothing private or sacred about my space in these moments.  Why should they?  It happens every 2-3 hours, all day, every day where ever we are.  It's such a normal fact of life to them and I'm so thankful for that.  But it's hardly the time that I want them climbing all over me to get down close and smooch her on the cheeks.  That's my no-fly-zone thank you very much.  
At times their desire to be close to her and snuggle her becomes all too selfish and I need to drop the hammer.  Fights break out over who gets to be closer to her, who gets to hold her, who held her last, longer or better.  She is often reduced to the likeness of a puppy. 

Life and love in this house are far from perfect but all things considered, we are thrilled with how well Sam and Ben have received Maria into their lives!

Although I've shared with the boys that it's illegal to marry their sister, the subject hasn't altogether gone away.  Yesterday they declared that when they grow up they will have a lightsaber battle to decide which one of them gets to marry her.  I tried not to shoot down the idea entirely and suggested that they have a battle with whomever wants to marry her someday.  I was clear that this guy will have to battle both of them and Jonathan.  I truly think that the idea of them one day letting another male into our family to love Maria was too much for them to handle and the conversation just ended.

I am absolutely going to bring lightsabers to the rehearsal dinner of her wedding some day.

Scattered

Oh it feels good to kiss her ears.  That diaper pail stinks.  Will his cough ever go away?  She is such a beautiful baby.  When did I feed her last?  I'm hungry.  Did I lock the front door?  I love how well they play together.  Didn't I open a Diet Coke?  Just fall asleep child.  How long has it been since I clipped his toe-nails?  Oh my gosh his ears are so dirty!  Do we still have a cat?  Yes...we do.  Does Ben seem lost?  I need to snuggle him more.  My windows are so dirty I want to throw a brick through them.  She's awake again.  Oh shoot I haven't written that Thank You note.  Or sent that check.  That's... puke in my hair.  I need to call my sister.  I'm a bad sister.  Did I put nursing pads in before I left?  Her eyes sparkle.  Geeze he feels heavy today!  I need to wipe his face.  Oooh when I sit this way I can feel my jelly roll.  Don't sit that way Beck.  Have they watched any t.v. yet today?  Those hiccups sound like they hurt.  Sam is so darn sweet with her.  How can buns so little pack such a punch??  When did I nurse her last?  What is so sticky on the floor?  Why can't they just get along?!  I'm hungry.  I need to eat something.  Shoot!  I never got back to her.  I'm a bad friend.  I wish I could take a nap.  Do they know how much I love them?I think this is one of those things that causes cancer.  I'll fold that laundry tonight after they go to bed.  Jonathan will help.  Why is he so sassy lately?  I'm not reading to the boys enough.  Sam's birthday is coming up and I'm not ready.  Six more hours until J gets home.  Wow, I just totally overreacted.  How old am I?  Please God make her sleep longer than 10 minutes.  I think I've worn these pants every day this week.  I'm going to bed at eight tonight no matter what.  I need to remember to empty that diaper pail. I think my thighs might be rubbing together.  I'm going to excercise somehow tomorrow.  These poor boys have seen more boob than Hugh Hefner on his best day.  There's my coffee cup!  She's been sleeping a long time.  I need to check if she's breathing.  Ben is so cute when he skips.  Like a little Leprechan.  Three more hours til J gets home.  What in the heck is so sticky on the floor??!  Hopefully the boys never ask where that went.  I'll lie.  Oh great, now his cough is back.  She must be hungry.  I wonder what he's thinking right now.  What day is it?  Her smile is amazing.  I think she's prettier today than yesterday.  Please don't puke.  Please don't puke.  Please don't puke.  Really??!!!  Oh isn't that nice?  The neighbor's cleaning lady just showed up.  What I wouldn't do...  Where did he hear THAT word?  I'm so tired.  When did I talk to my dad last?  I'm a bad daughter.  Did I really just tell Ben that he needs to grow up?  Good Lord I'm starving!  You'd never know I just swept this morning.  Does he have show and tell tomorrow?  That kid is smarter than me.  Oh my gosh that smells bad!  Did I brush my teeth this morning?  I hope Jonathan's day is going well.  I should have followed through on that one.  A Butterfinger sounds good.  I wonder if I'm going to need to buy a different swim suit this summer.  I should try mine on.  No.  I'm not going to do that.  Oh her yawn is so precious.  What am I going to do for dinner?  Oh my gosh I've got to mop this floor.  He's going to no-nap me today isn't he?  What was that sound?  I hope everything is alright up there.  Nobody's crying.  I need to sit up straighter.  Good thing Jonathan is so patient.  I hope they love her this much for the rest of her life.  Is she going to have brown or blue eyes?  Crap.  Ben's crying.  His voice is so cute.  If one more person asks how I'm sleeping...  Pretty sure he just coughed into the back of my throat.  One more hour til Jonathan comes home.  That bread is really dry no wonder they didn't eat their sandwiches.  Did we pay the preschool?  Her sneeze is adorable.  I hope our neighbors didn't just see that.  Poor them.  I have GOT to eat something before I hurt someone!  I still haven't made that dentist appointment.  I wonder if he's ready for me to wipe him yet.  We need to go on a date.  That doesn't look right.    I think that's the most annoying sound I've ever heard.  Oh yeah, dinner.  Shoot.