Boys Meet Girl

A couple of weeks ago I had to break some "bad" news to Sam and Ben.  They were light heartedly arguing over which one of them was going to marry Maria when they grow up.  Maria is their three-month-old sister.  Some day this will be repulsive to them.  However for now, its a horrible injustice that marrying your sister is illegal. 
"It's ILLEGAL?!!" they both say to me in unison with gigantic eyes and expressions of total shock and disgust with our legal system. 
"Yes," I say matter of factly. 
"Well we'll just lie about it then!" Sam yells through laughter as he runs out of the room.
"Yeah!  We'll LIE!" Ben squeals as he follows Sam to whatever they do while I'm tied up changing another diaper.

Let's just say...they love her.  A lot. 

We knew they were going to love her.  We even knew that their love for her would look different between the two of them.  And it really does. 

When Ben was a baby I remember Sam holding him and saying to me, "I love him so much I want to laugh my head off."  I totally identified with that crazy kind of love.  That's how Ben loves Maria right now.  He has such an intense nervous energy around her that sometimes she actually flinches a little when she knows he's coming.  He gets up close to her and says "Maria I LOVE you!" "Maria you're GOOD!" "Maria I'm your big BRUDDER!" in such a sweet... and somewhat maniacal way.  His kisses leave a slimy wet mess on her head and sometimes I think they just might bruise her.  He talks to her as if she actually understands what he's saying.  "Maria watch this... Did you see that Maria?"  Ben's love for her is obvious.  But it's also very obvious that he can't wait for her to grow older and be big enough to play.  I can't wait to watch that! 

Sam is another story.  I have a prediction that Maria will do no wrong in his eyes for the rest of their lives.  Here's an example of how that plays out right now:
If you know Sam, you know that he HATES messes.  He needs a wash cloth at the table while he eats so that his hands and mouth are never messy.  He actually buzzes around the house to clean up toys that are left out so that there isn't anything in his way to play something else.  Kitchen cabinet doors left open drive him crazy.  BUT...  Maria puked on him this morning and he laughed about it.  Really.  Ben (my Tazmanian Devil) is sent into hysterics over spit up landing on him but Sam (my perfectionist) actually thought it was endearing. 
His linear, scheduled world will screech to a halt for a chance to hold and snuggle her.  When we drop him off at Kindergarten he makes sure to kiss her goodbye.  When we pick him up, he returns straight to her.  He definitely gets the most smiles and it's clear that she trusts him.  There is a sweetness about his love for her and pride in her that I could not have imagined or expected.  And that melts me. 

Let's be real here though.  There are absolutely times where I have to tell them both to back the heck off.  As gentle and sweet as they are, sometimes it's just too much.  This poor girl is never going to know the meaning of "personal space".  I myself am fighting for those two precious words daily.  Especially when I'm nursing Maria.  The boys see nothing private or sacred about my space in these moments.  Why should they?  It happens every 2-3 hours, all day, every day where ever we are.  It's such a normal fact of life to them and I'm so thankful for that.  But it's hardly the time that I want them climbing all over me to get down close and smooch her on the cheeks.  That's my no-fly-zone thank you very much.  
At times their desire to be close to her and snuggle her becomes all too selfish and I need to drop the hammer.  Fights break out over who gets to be closer to her, who gets to hold her, who held her last, longer or better.  She is often reduced to the likeness of a puppy. 

Life and love in this house are far from perfect but all things considered, we are thrilled with how well Sam and Ben have received Maria into their lives!

Although I've shared with the boys that it's illegal to marry their sister, the subject hasn't altogether gone away.  Yesterday they declared that when they grow up they will have a lightsaber battle to decide which one of them gets to marry her.  I tried not to shoot down the idea entirely and suggested that they have a battle with whomever wants to marry her someday.  I was clear that this guy will have to battle both of them and Jonathan.  I truly think that the idea of them one day letting another male into our family to love Maria was too much for them to handle and the conversation just ended.

I am absolutely going to bring lightsabers to the rehearsal dinner of her wedding some day.

Scattered

Oh it feels good to kiss her ears.  That diaper pail stinks.  Will his cough ever go away?  She is such a beautiful baby.  When did I feed her last?  I'm hungry.  Did I lock the front door?  I love how well they play together.  Didn't I open a Diet Coke?  Just fall asleep child.  How long has it been since I clipped his toe-nails?  Oh my gosh his ears are so dirty!  Do we still have a cat?  Yes...we do.  Does Ben seem lost?  I need to snuggle him more.  My windows are so dirty I want to throw a brick through them.  She's awake again.  Oh shoot I haven't written that Thank You note.  Or sent that check.  That's... puke in my hair.  I need to call my sister.  I'm a bad sister.  Did I put nursing pads in before I left?  Her eyes sparkle.  Geeze he feels heavy today!  I need to wipe his face.  Oooh when I sit this way I can feel my jelly roll.  Don't sit that way Beck.  Have they watched any t.v. yet today?  Those hiccups sound like they hurt.  Sam is so darn sweet with her.  How can buns so little pack such a punch??  When did I nurse her last?  What is so sticky on the floor?  Why can't they just get along?!  I'm hungry.  I need to eat something.  Shoot!  I never got back to her.  I'm a bad friend.  I wish I could take a nap.  Do they know how much I love them?I think this is one of those things that causes cancer.  I'll fold that laundry tonight after they go to bed.  Jonathan will help.  Why is he so sassy lately?  I'm not reading to the boys enough.  Sam's birthday is coming up and I'm not ready.  Six more hours until J gets home.  Wow, I just totally overreacted.  How old am I?  Please God make her sleep longer than 10 minutes.  I think I've worn these pants every day this week.  I'm going to bed at eight tonight no matter what.  I need to remember to empty that diaper pail. I think my thighs might be rubbing together.  I'm going to excercise somehow tomorrow.  These poor boys have seen more boob than Hugh Hefner on his best day.  There's my coffee cup!  She's been sleeping a long time.  I need to check if she's breathing.  Ben is so cute when he skips.  Like a little Leprechan.  Three more hours til J gets home.  What in the heck is so sticky on the floor??!  Hopefully the boys never ask where that went.  I'll lie.  Oh great, now his cough is back.  She must be hungry.  I wonder what he's thinking right now.  What day is it?  Her smile is amazing.  I think she's prettier today than yesterday.  Please don't puke.  Please don't puke.  Please don't puke.  Really??!!!  Oh isn't that nice?  The neighbor's cleaning lady just showed up.  What I wouldn't do...  Where did he hear THAT word?  I'm so tired.  When did I talk to my dad last?  I'm a bad daughter.  Did I really just tell Ben that he needs to grow up?  Good Lord I'm starving!  You'd never know I just swept this morning.  Does he have show and tell tomorrow?  That kid is smarter than me.  Oh my gosh that smells bad!  Did I brush my teeth this morning?  I hope Jonathan's day is going well.  I should have followed through on that one.  A Butterfinger sounds good.  I wonder if I'm going to need to buy a different swim suit this summer.  I should try mine on.  No.  I'm not going to do that.  Oh her yawn is so precious.  What am I going to do for dinner?  Oh my gosh I've got to mop this floor.  He's going to no-nap me today isn't he?  What was that sound?  I hope everything is alright up there.  Nobody's crying.  I need to sit up straighter.  Good thing Jonathan is so patient.  I hope they love her this much for the rest of her life.  Is she going to have brown or blue eyes?  Crap.  Ben's crying.  His voice is so cute.  If one more person asks how I'm sleeping...  Pretty sure he just coughed into the back of my throat.  One more hour til Jonathan comes home.  That bread is really dry no wonder they didn't eat their sandwiches.  Did we pay the preschool?  Her sneeze is adorable.  I hope our neighbors didn't just see that.  Poor them.  I have GOT to eat something before I hurt someone!  I still haven't made that dentist appointment.  I wonder if he's ready for me to wipe him yet.  We need to go on a date.  That doesn't look right.    I think that's the most annoying sound I've ever heard.  Oh yeah, dinner.  Shoot. 

The Waiting

I am in such a reflective state these days as we count down to the arrival of our daughter.  We have less than six weeks until our due date.  Six weeks!  It's all I can do to reign my heart in at times right now.  And my heart is all over the place.  Just listen.

I'm so excited I can't sleep.  I lie awake dreaming of who this girl will be, how much we are going to love her, and of course how much I have left to do before she arrives.  As I go through the clothing that has been passed down to us for her, I cannot believe we will have a beautiful little girl running around our house wearing them!  As I organize her room I lose my breath as I picture her swaddled and sleeping in her crib.  As the boys talk about their sister I am in awe of how much they already seem to love her and how many plans they already have for her life.  I am so ready to know and hold and nurse and kiss her it's driving me crazy!

At the same time, I find myself staring at Sam and Ben as they talk or play or think or sleep and I realize that I'm trying desperately to freeze who they are right now in my mind. I know that in the months ahead, when life changes dramatically... they will also change.  I remember it happening to Sam when Ben was born.  I'm not referring to the transition that all older siblings go through as they learn to share their parents.  I'm remembering how all of a sudden, Sam grew up a little bit faster.  His personality grew older and he just...changed a little bit.  This time, Sam will grow quickly in front of me as he takes on the role of oldest brother. Ben will go through the transition from "our baby" to a big brother.  Their relationship as brothers will evolve and grow as well.  And I know all of these things are completely natural and totally positive.  I know that.  But still.  The life that I love and treasure so much right now...will change.  That part breaks my heart a little.  I'm so very excited and yet a bit melancholy at the same time about all of this.  Do I make sense?

Really what I think about the most is life with my best friend, two of the coolest boys ever and their little sister.  I just feel so rich.  I feel rich in love with Jonathan.  Rich in love with my babies.  Rich in expectation.  Rich in faith in the One who sees my days before I do and promises to hold me through them.  I am rich and today I know that. 

Now the thoughts that probably won't makes sense to anyone are the ones that show how insane I can become about my role as a mom. 

I will now be a mother of three.  I only have two hands.  How can I hold all three of their hands as we cross the street?

How in the heck will I get groceries and errands done once I can't wear the baby?  Especially Target.  Oh Target I love you and I hate you. 

Our sweet neighbor girl came over the other night after her first dance.  She's twelve.  Will our daughter go to a dance when she's twelve???  I just don't think I'm ready for that. 

What if she doesn't marry someone as amazing as her dad?  How will I ever love that guy the way I should as his mother-in-law?

And finally...I'm almost positive I've worked out the best way to get two of my children out of our van if for some reason... we are on the 520-Bridge when THE BIG ONE hits and we all go over into the water.  But three?????

My mind just won't quit. 

Defeated

They laughed at me. Both of them. Laughing.

I'm already completely exhausted by our family trip to Home Depot.  That experience in itself should have been my cue to hand the boys over to Jonathan for the rest of the night.  But no. 

I start the tub for the boys and then go to finish the dinner dishes we had left. After hearing evil laughter and a comment about the "toilet tub" I head into the bathroom to see the boys sitting in the tub with guilty little grins on their faces.
It takes no time to figure out that they stood side by side, outside of the tub, TWO FEET FROM THE TOILET and peed into the tub while it was filling up!  Did I mention they were two feet from the toilet?

If they weren't absolutely filthy from the day and in desperate need of bathing, the appropriate consequence would have been to take bath time away for the night.  (Don't worry.  Jonathan let me know that that's what HE would have done after all of this was over.)  Instead I drain the tub with them in it, refill it and take away pre-bed book time... as if all of this nonsense is digging into our bedtime routine and something has to go.  Natural consequences?  Well...it was logical to me in the moment.

Bath time is filled with more clowning and when the splashing becomes entirely too much I get them out and say very clearly, "Do not leave the bathroom.  We are brushing teeth and heading straight upstairs for bed."

This is Ben's cue to bolt out the door cackling and squealing.  He clearly isn't sensing how close I am to sending both of them up the Omo River in Ethiopia today.
Sam stays put but roars with laughter at his brave little brother, which of course just feeds Ben's budding ego.

Now...I don't spank often. I hardly ever have to. Really.  But this deliberate disobedience combined with my total lack of anything redeeming left in my bag of tricks is just the last straw for the day.

I say in my firmest voice, "Ben you are getting a spank for disobeying,"
Of course Ben pleads, "Nooo!"
But as I put his bare, little, tan body on my lap and give his adorable white buns a whack... he laughs.
He laughs!!!

THEN! THEN!  From the bathroom Sam yells while cracking up, "Did she just SPANK you Ben?"
Ben bursts back into laughter and calls back "YAH!  She SPANKED ME!" 
They both continue laughing as I sit on the couch in disbelief and a little bit of horror. 

This is the beginning of the end isn't it?  I am going to be their joke.  For the rest of their lives.

I march up the stairs with the boys, finish the routine (sans book) and let them know that I'm not coming back up no matter what.  I come down in somewhat of a stupor and look out the front window to see Jonathan happily chatting it up with three of our neighbors across the street.  They all wave at me and smile.  I gather myself and head out to let them know what the last hour just looked like.

They laugh.  At me. 

Oh Benjamin

Ben you turned three today.  

I can hardly believe it. 

I believe that you are three. 

I just have a hard time believing that you are MY three year old. 

That God gave you to ME. 

Because I'm in awe of you Ben.

I'm in awe of your spirit.  

I'm in awe of your heart. 

I'm in awe of how darn cute you are. 



And sweet!

Ben I pray that I bless you in your life as much as you bless me in mine. 

Because you BLESS ME!  Oh how you bless me.

Where is the Line?

(Caution!  Bathroom Talk to Follow!) 

I'm struggling.
We've entered the stage of "How inappropriate can I be without getting a consequence?"
I know that I'm on the stricter side than some but I really try to choose my battles wisely. Language is an important part of who we are. It says a lot about us. It can reveal one's level of respect, responsibility and wisdom as well as the amount of compassion, empathy, and love one has for others. I want our boys to communicate and play in a way that is respectful and loving to anyone who might witness it.
That being said, they aren't puppets or robots. I know this full well. I can try as intentionally as possible to teach to their hearts and "train" their behavior. But let's be real...

So we have three strains of "inappropriate" dominating our household these days:

Potty Talk.  Body Talk.  Violent Talk.

If you know me at all, you know that I'm most averse to the latter of the three. Truthfully, I get a kick out of Potty talk myself. Who doesn't appreciate a good joke about poop or letting one rip? Okay well I do.  But as we all know there is a time and a place.
Body talk is important and a part of our every day lives.  We take this one very seriously and encourage it in context.  But again, context! 
Violent talk on the other hand has no place in my heart or home. We all poop. We all have private parts.  We don't all shoot and kill people. So no. I can't find a way to justify jokes about cutting your brother's arm off, beating him all the way to jail or setting his eyeball on fire.  Roll your eyes at me. But its my house.

Here are the latest little jokes the boys love:
Ben will walk up to one of us at any given moment, point his hip up toward us and say in his deep, loud, gravelly voice, "TOOOOT!!".  I can't help it.  I fall apart.  It's not funny because he's pretending to toot on us. It's funny because of the way he lifts his hip. The way he says it with his adorable lips puckered out like a bugle. The way that he and Sam bust apart laughing immediately after.  And that he came up with this act totally on his own!  I think the best part of this little stunt is that he often does it when he feels the mood needs a bit of lightening.  He is already such a middle child.

They both love the word 'booby' right now. They thought they made it up themselves so they didn't know that it actually already has a meaning. Sam kept calling Ben things like, "squishy booby underpants" and "booby tooter". So when asked what their new word means they informed us that it means 'stinky'. Awesome. So that's a new favorite word in our house. Along w/ penis, buns, toots, barf and poop. Booby.  The other day when Sam told me he was going to "poop his boob out" I just about gagged on my tooth brush.  It was then that I had to share that the word actually has another meaning.  As respectfully as I could I shared how the word "booby" is used.  They looked at me like I had ruined all of their fun.  The actual meaning was a total bore.  Fine.

They love the word "fart" but are only allowed to use it in their room together.  So we regularly hear them blurting out all of the "bad words" they can say alone together in their room and then laughing hysterically.  Most of the time they use these words in such ridiculous and nonsensical ways.  But oh it's fun right?!

Here's a disturbing one...the other day after the boys got out of the tub one of them accidentally slapped their own private part w/ his own hand. Well...there began the giggles and nonsensical talk (talk only) about spanking each others penises.  They are so fascinated by their own anatomy and how hilarious it is.  Today Sam was having a conversation with his...

You see where these things start to get out of hand now right? There is good harmless fun and then there's stuff that we just have to put an end to before I get called into Sam's kindergarten class next year with big questions about what in the world goes on in our home!  Or worse yet, BEN'S PRESCHOOL CLASS! 

Drawing the line and then explaining to them why that crosses the line is sometimes blurry. 

We approach most of these issues with a general rule that we can have potty and body talk at home in the privacy of our family but not around others and not in public. We want them to know that we can talk about anything as a family but not everything is appropriate to laugh about or share with others.

With the coming of a new baby, there have been great questions.  Mainly about how their sister is going to... exit me.  It's great!  We get to teach our kids about life in the context of family and health.  We get to share with them the true, natural, God designed uses for our bodies and functions. 

But still. Some of the things these clowns are coming up with in humor is not even going to fly in private.  They just snowball from Ridiculous Land into Unquestionably Inappropriate and Downright Disturbing Land.  They expect a consequence or "the look" from me when their language turns bloody and painful.  However, when they are just being silly about bowel movements or their anatomy and it has gone too far in my eyes, it's harder for them to understand where they crossed the line.  Answering why one thing is funny and another has gone too far gets complicated. 

So they walk the line.  My line.  They say their joke with a giggle, watch me carefully and then proceed to go further with caution.  It's confusing.  Mostly for me.  I look at Jonathan and he so often just shrugs like it's... normal.  "Really?!" I ask.  Bizarre.  Other times there's no denying just how far over the line they are and we have to go all "parent" on them. 

Now that there is a sister coming....a whole new can of worms is about to open up! One that I welcome but will need to navigate intentionally and thoughtfully out of respect for her and every woman they encounter in the future.  I need to start praying for their wives more diligently.  God help them. 

We Found Out!

It's probably the second question everyone asks when they realize that you are pregnant.  After asking "When are you due?" they ask "Are you finding out?" 
My first two pregnancies I have endured the eye-rolling, gasping and complaining over our decision NOT to find out.  I actually even had a close family member tell me that it's "just not as exciting NOT to know".  Wow.  Ouch.  Sorry to ruin this for you. 
We never regretted not finding out with our boys.  Those moments in the delivery room when we discovered that we had sons were absolutely MAGICAL.  We truly met them for the first time in those first minutes.  Not having wrapped our heads around who they might be until that first, precious moment.  Magical.

This time....we did it different. 

Our dear friend Linda was our ultrasound technician with both Sam and Ben.  She so gracefully held the secret of our babies' sex for us and we just loved having her in that experience with us.  She has since retired but we wanted so badly to share this moment with her again and she had expressed that if we were going to find out this time she'd love to come in and do the grand reveal for us!  So of course we asked her. 

All four of us walked in today with the expectation of another Judy boy.  There really is no other way in any of our minds.  In fact this morning as I was preparing the boys for what the appointment would look like and what things Linda would be looking for they both started chanting, "Penis! Penis! Penis!"  Welcome to my life.  Anyway, almost everyone else has predicted girl.  So we kind of planned on proving everyone wrong today. 

It didn't work out that way. 

Jonathan and I were both shocked.  In all honesty we kept thinking that as the exam went on...there would be a penis.  But no.  No penis for this Judy baby. 

The boys?  Sam's first words when Linda said, "You're going to have a sister!" were..."This is horrible news."  Not a joke.  He was spitting angry.  We burst out laughing and then of course he was angry that we were laughing at him.  Ben came around a lot quicker and promised to teach her how to hold a baseball bat.  That's my little peace maker there.  

Most importantly, everything looked perfect.  Her heart, her spine, her kidneys, her limbs...everything.  We are so thankful. 

As the shock has worn off for Jonathan and me...we are very excited.  It hasn't taken long tonight for the boys either.  Sam admitted that he was more disappointed that he was wrong than that he is going to have a sister.  The kid is honest.

So now I get to purge some baby boy clothes and prepare for a daughter!  That still sounds really foreign!